Summer Rainstorm
August 10, 2005Clouds open,
rain patters on dry ground,
the earth drinks it in
like my lips tremble
at your cool liquid kiss.
A work-shopped version of the tanka that started in the tanka forum below. I have learned so much from the work-shopping process, and I think I now have a much better sense of what tankas can do (and why they are used). Note that I have lost the formal need for the 5/7/5/7/7 format (although it still roughly corresponds) and the last two lines now form a new image, juxtaposed against the first to give a different read. This “reversal” is what tankas (as I am learning) are particularly known for.
Hope you enjoy!
Enjoyed these tankas. I rarely offer critiques on blogs, but I think I need to change that and join an online poetry group. Thanks for your personal note. Yes, I enjoyed particularly the effective use of the “K” sound.
oops “this.” Can you tell i’m pressed for time?